Yall completely lost me at the chicken nugget thing. Have you ever heard of an eating disorder?? People like you make it worse for people like me who have ARFID, if I could eat a "normal" variety of food, I fucking would and so would everyone else with ARFID. My brain tells me any food I don't deem as "safe" as poison. I agree I wish my parent would have pushed me a tad more with trying new foods when I was younger, but the way you talk about it is honestly heartless and I hope you never have a child with an eating disorder.
The thing I would say about the teenagers with the pasta and chicken tenders is that if their diet is really that limited it sounds like there is a possibility they may be on the spectrum, and it is much harder for that to be identified in girls. Now we should never diagnose someone else, but it is a possibility to consider. Also, I know some children that were premature babies, and in some cases that really affects their relationship with food. I know the uncle says that there is no medical or allergy reason, but it is possible that there are things he doesn't know about his nieces because the nieces and/or parents are not ready to share that or things that they themselves don't know. Other possibilities include an eating disorder, anxiety etc. We rarely know everything that is going on with others, even within our own family.
The other possibility is that the nieces eat a variety of things but don't like their uncle's "fancy food" and pasta with chicken is the easiest thing for the mum to bring. For sure when we were young we just had to eat what we were given. Having said that, some of the information now around that I think is that giving children (and by extension teenagers) the freedom to choose their own food, is better in terms of learning to eat according to your body, rather than according to what you are forced to eat. Having said that the uncle has a point about how they are fast going into adult situations where they need to find a way to be polite. But like you guys said, it is not the uncle's responsibility to do anything about that. I'm an aunt who has no children of her own and these things can be really hard. But at the end of the day the parents get to decide how to raise the children. You can provide an alternative perspective when appropriate, but it's not your job to tell them what to eat.
Okay, so I get where the uncle is coming from in the fifth story; it's an 18-year-old girl and a 15-year-old girl. What's the harm in trying something new one night? Why can't they just try what he cooks? It's not like they have food allergies or anything; if they don't like the main courses, they can eat salad and mashed potatoes or whatever other sides they choose. They appear spoiled because their mother clearly eats this food but they do not; or she might prepare something pre-made at home for everyone as a side dish and give it to them as their main course as they try the food he prepares.🤷♂🤷♀🤷
The baby one kind of drove me insane. For like half a second Ben acknowledged something I think is super important then they took a hard left turn again. I'm sorry but as a person with multiple phobias and mental illnesses, like, that's your job to monitor and manage? My mom is afraid of snakes. When snakes are in our yard, it's totally reasonable for her to freak out and get upset. But if she goes to the zoo and walks into the reptile house, yeah, she's kind of consented to seeing snakes at that point. If you're so afraid of babies and toddlers to the point that you have panic attacks or have to wash your hands of "multiple layers of skin" after one touches you, I don't think it's fair or responsible to maintain a relationship with a person who has a child. Yes, that is the biggest part of their life. Yes, that's not your life. But as Ben (briefly) said, by being friends with that person you are implicitly signing up for hearing about their life, including their baby. If you don't want to do that, that's fine, but maybe it's time to find different friends.
i grew up with a babtist side of the family and a catholic side, with two very different views on when alcohol is okay to drink. i think it is totally reasonable for people to not be able to drink at a party because it’s not what everyone believes in. alcohol is not required and my family was able to do it growing up. it’s a simple task, and alcohol is not required to have fun
I have so many people in my life with food allergies or restrictions, bringing your own food is easier than making the host accommodate every restriction, especially because people will forget some things aren’t vegan/GF/etc. Just communicate people.
The mom wanting to make a meal in the kitchen is the A-hole cause she can just cook at home, but the girls aren't. They may have autism or another neurodivergency that causes food sensitivity.
First person isn't the A-hole. I think it says a lot more about the family and loved ones that can't control their alcoholism for one day to be with others. Especially on Christmas. Alcohol is not more important than spending time with family and they need to respect her boundaries without ostracizing her, making her feel like a bad person. But that's just my opinion. Our culture idolizes drinking to a terrifying extent.
Saying food is gross, unless they are five is really not ok for me.. they can't eat potatoes and roast meat? They don't have to eat the fancy vegetable dishes.. sounds like some spoiled brats..
I just want to add. Just because someone counts as Gen Z doesn't mean they don't have similar experiences to Millinials. Because of 1. How old their parents are, 2. Culture and religion, 3. Financial status. I personally relate to millennials. When the picky eaters question came up, i am a picky eater and my grandparents and everyone else never catered for me and i just ate what i could and never complained. or if i did nothing would be done to ackomidate me. That is just how it was and i am gen z ( late gen z mind you , I'm 21)
Sorry but those girls are spoiled wtf that's not a cultural shift it's just not being polite! If my 15 and 18yo nieces come to my house and say the food I cooked for them is gross and my sister doesn't do anything I'm either telling them off or I'm not inviting them to my house ever again
Your house, your rules. Just have coke wtf have your wine when you get home and just spend time with the family and if you can't do that sober maybe there's another issue there
A caveat to the teenage picky eaters: some people, like myself, have food issues (like pickiness) that extend into teenage/young adult years. Some have psychological diagnoses, some don’t. But sometimes it’s not as simple as simply and Ben are discussing it. I personally had to work on my food issues to be able to eat veggies as a young adult, and there are still food aversions/issues I’m working on (although I eat normally enough now that no one notices my food issues). That wasn’t discussed for that AITA post but it’s entirely possible that’s what was going on with those teenage girls, and mental food issues are not easy to resolve.
with the first one i feel like the poster is totally in the right. they said that their dad is an alcoholic so they may have some trauma around alcohol and it sounds like the family always gets very drunk and act unreasonably.
I'm really petty and i also have a sister that always wants to go out but never has money, we usually let it slide because she's only 18 and me and the oldest sister are in our 30s, but if i was in this situation i would grab her wallet then hide mine in the car so when the check came be like "oh no i grabbed your wallet by mistake, do you mind getting this one and i'll pay you back?" and then never pay her back. I know it's asshole behavior but at that point i probably wouldn't care. Or i would just refuse to go out with or or I would drop her off at the restaurant and go somewhere else. If she wants to go have a fancy dinner great but I'm going somewhere else
The thing about the coat that gives me some pause is that she did offer to pay for the dry cleaning, leading me to think that she didn’t realize it would permanently be ruined. She should still learn consequences, but I don’t know that she meant to completely ruin it.
Because of personal experience, I wondered if the picky eating teens have an undiagnosed eating disorder like ARFID. It’s often comorbid with autism spectrum disorder (which is under-diagnosed in girls and women) but people who are otherwise “typically developing” can also have sensory issues with food. In our child’s case, it was evident he had feeding issues from infancy and even though we’ve worked with feeding therapists and other autism specialists, his diet will likely always be limited. Tough situation.
At our Christmas 4 families meet up and no one drinks more than a couple glasses wine, I don't understand these people who act like they can't go a couple hours without alcohol. I doubt they would even tell the difference if you replaced their alcohol with non-alcoholic version 😭
Showing up to a dinner with your own food is my whole life. Celiac disease means I bring my food everywhere. Other celiac people get my pain. We can’t trust anyone’s cooking.
Forcing kids to eat foods and using the "than you don't eat" isn't healthy. It develops an unhealthy relationship around food. I think ovbiously you should encourage your kids ti try foods they don't like and coming up with new ways to prepare and eat it but forcing your kids to eat what you want them to instead of them being able to voice to you their likes and dislikes is fucking stupid. Your put look on this dude is unhealthy and is a big okay Boomer moment but the boomer is you.
I kind of relate to the daughters who ate bread and butter. ive always battled my weight and there are plenty of healthy vegetables fruits meats etc that i enjoy. But if you put a spread of foods in front of me that i dislike, (and this may be reflective of disordered eating i dont know) i will typically choose not to eat. To me eating foods for the sake of ettiquite is a disservice to my own body, knowing that it is extra calories in my body that i will then have to burn off because like christine said after her grandmas, ill get hungry again right after and go eat a meal i actually enjoy. I often will pick out one item i like or mind the least and eat a small portion to save my appetitie for afterwards and that REALLY bothers some people. Even tho ive never complained, but even abstaining just bothers some people and i really dislike that culture. I personally believe no one should be force fed. And yes they dont hold me down but applying peer pressure and guilt it still very manipulative and forceful. So i see it as yes the uncle has the right to refuse to let them in his kitchen, but they likewise have the right to sit and eat their bread and butter free from judgement. Though them insulting the food was just plain rude and their mother should of spoken up about that.
26:39 the two girls could be undiagnosed with autism or other neurodivergent conditions. I find it hard to believe a neurotypical person would get to 18yrs and have food triggers.
For the 5th story about the 15 and 18 year old girls who strictly eat frozen chicken and pasta, the children and OP's sister are the asshole. I am autistic, so I fully understand the picky eating/food aversion thing. However, if I am at someone's house for a dinner party and I don't like what they're making, I would do my very best to make sure they don't know that. My mom taught me about pushing food around the plate, getting small portions and just getting a bite, or eating before/after the party. This party is not about you, so why make it such a big deal that you hate the food that someone took their time to make for you? It's only going to hurt their feelings. It's much nicer to just pretend you love it.
On the picky eater (5th) story: I was a very picky eater up until like 18-20 years old. My mom accommodated that by making me different food if I didn't like the one everyone else had. (she wouldn't bring different food to another person's house tho, I just had to deal with whatever they had) Now that I eat more varied stuff, I wish my mom HADN'T accommodated me. I wish she'd just told me that tough luck, eat this or starve. She also babied me on other things and that in turn made me entitled. Now that I've grown out of it, all of that entitlement has morphed into massive guilt and regret. So yeah. If your child doesn't have any allergies and is just a picky eater, do not go along with that. It will only backfire in the long run.
Yall completely lost me at the chicken nugget thing. Have you ever heard of an eating disorder?? People like you make it worse for people like me who have ARFID, if I could eat a "normal" variety of food, I fucking would and so would everyone else with ARFID. My brain tells me any food I don't deem as "safe" as poison. I agree I wish my parent would have pushed me a tad more with trying new foods when I was younger, but the way you talk about it is honestly heartless and I hope you never have a child with an eating disorder.
The thing I would say about the teenagers with the pasta and chicken tenders is that if their diet is really that limited it sounds like there is a possibility they may be on the spectrum, and it is much harder for that to be identified in girls. Now we should never diagnose someone else, but it is a possibility to consider. Also, I know some children that were premature babies, and in some cases that really affects their relationship with food. I know the uncle says that there is no medical or allergy reason, but it is possible that there are things he doesn't know about his nieces because the nieces and/or parents are not ready to share that or things that they themselves don't know. Other possibilities include an eating disorder, anxiety etc. We rarely know everything that is going on with others, even within our own family.
The other possibility is that the nieces eat a variety of things but don't like their uncle's "fancy food" and pasta with chicken is the easiest thing for the mum to bring. For sure when we were young we just had to eat what we were given. Having said that, some of the information now around that I think is that giving children (and by extension teenagers) the freedom to choose their own food, is better in terms of learning to eat according to your body, rather than according to what you are forced to eat. Having said that the uncle has a point about how they are fast going into adult situations where they need to find a way to be polite. But like you guys said, it is not the uncle's responsibility to do anything about that. I'm an aunt who has no children of her own and these things can be really hard. But at the end of the day the parents get to decide how to raise the children. You can provide an alternative perspective when appropriate, but it's not your job to tell them what to eat.
Okay, so I get where the uncle is coming from in the fifth story; it's an 18-year-old girl and a 15-year-old girl. What's the harm in trying something new one night? Why can't they just try what he cooks? It's not like they have food allergies or anything; if they don't like the main courses, they can eat salad and mashed potatoes or whatever other sides they choose. They appear spoiled because their mother clearly eats this food but they do not; or she might prepare something pre-made at home for everyone as a side dish and give it to them as their main course as they try the food he prepares.🤷♂🤷♀🤷
Bringing food to celebration here in SEA are very common that I find it weird when people dont bring food
The baby one kind of drove me insane. For like half a second Ben acknowledged something I think is super important then they took a hard left turn again. I'm sorry but as a person with multiple phobias and mental illnesses, like, that's your job to monitor and manage? My mom is afraid of snakes. When snakes are in our yard, it's totally reasonable for her to freak out and get upset. But if she goes to the zoo and walks into the reptile house, yeah, she's kind of consented to seeing snakes at that point. If you're so afraid of babies and toddlers to the point that you have panic attacks or have to wash your hands of "multiple layers of skin" after one touches you, I don't think it's fair or responsible to maintain a relationship with a person who has a child. Yes, that is the biggest part of their life. Yes, that's not your life. But as Ben (briefly) said, by being friends with that person you are implicitly signing up for hearing about their life, including their baby. If you don't want to do that, that's fine, but maybe it's time to find different friends.
i grew up with a babtist side of the family and a catholic side, with two very different views on when alcohol is okay to drink. i think it is totally reasonable for people to not be able to drink at a party because it’s not what everyone believes in. alcohol is not required and my family was able to do it growing up. it’s a simple task, and alcohol is not required to have fun
I have so many people in my life with food allergies or restrictions, bringing your own food is easier than making the host accommodate every restriction, especially because people will forget some things aren’t vegan/GF/etc. Just communicate people.
yknow, if the poster had allergies or smt i would understand, but being vegan is a choice so if you want vegan meals just bring your own
The mom wanting to make a meal in the kitchen is the A-hole cause she can just cook at home, but the girls aren't. They may have autism or another neurodivergency that causes food sensitivity.
First person isn't the A-hole. I think it says a lot more about the family and loved ones that can't control their alcoholism for one day to be with others. Especially on Christmas. Alcohol is not more important than spending time with family and they need to respect her boundaries without ostracizing her, making her feel like a bad person. But that's just my opinion. Our culture idolizes drinking to a terrifying extent.
Saying food is gross, unless they are five is really not ok for me.. they can't eat potatoes and roast meat? They don't have to eat the fancy vegetable dishes.. sounds like some spoiled brats..
People can drink without getting drunk.. is this family just a bunch of drunks that you feel the need to ban it completely?
I just want to add. Just because someone counts as Gen Z doesn't mean they don't have similar experiences to Millinials. Because of 1. How old their parents are, 2. Culture and religion, 3. Financial status.
I personally relate to millennials. When the picky eaters question came up, i am a picky eater and my grandparents and everyone else never catered for me and i just ate what i could and never complained. or if i did nothing would be done to ackomidate me. That is just how it was and i am gen z ( late gen z mind you , I'm 21)
Sorry but those girls are spoiled wtf that's not a cultural shift it's just not being polite! If my 15 and 18yo nieces come to my house and say the food I cooked for them is gross and my sister doesn't do anything I'm either telling them off or I'm not inviting them to my house ever again
Tbh I don't get banning babies from events that's literally excluding someone because they're a parent? There isn't a nanny available at all times
Your house, your rules. Just have coke wtf have your wine when you get home and just spend time with the family and if you can't do that sober maybe there's another issue there
A caveat to the teenage picky eaters: some people, like myself, have food issues (like pickiness) that extend into teenage/young adult years. Some have psychological diagnoses, some don’t. But sometimes it’s not as simple as simply and Ben are discussing it. I personally had to work on my food issues to be able to eat veggies as a young adult, and there are still food aversions/issues I’m working on (although I eat normally enough now that no one notices my food issues). That wasn’t discussed for that AITA post but it’s entirely possible that’s what was going on with those teenage girls, and mental food issues are not easy to resolve.
with the first one i feel like the poster is totally in the right. they said that their dad is an alcoholic so they may have some trauma around alcohol and it sounds like the family always gets very drunk and act unreasonably.
I'm really petty and i also have a sister that always wants to go out but never has money, we usually let it slide because she's only 18 and me and the oldest sister are in our 30s, but if i was in this situation i would grab her wallet then hide mine in the car so when the check came be like "oh no i grabbed your wallet by mistake, do you mind getting this one and i'll pay you back?" and then never pay her back. I know it's asshole behavior but at that point i probably wouldn't care. Or i would just refuse to go out with or or I would drop her off at the restaurant and go somewhere else. If she wants to go have a fancy dinner great but I'm going somewhere else
The thing about the coat that gives me some pause is that she did offer to pay for the dry cleaning, leading me to think that she didn’t realize it would permanently be ruined. She should still learn consequences, but I don’t know that she meant to completely ruin it.
Because of personal experience, I wondered if the picky eating teens have an undiagnosed eating disorder like ARFID. It’s often comorbid with autism spectrum disorder (which is under-diagnosed in girls and women) but people who are otherwise “typically developing” can also have sensory issues with food. In our child’s case, it was evident he had feeding issues from infancy and even though we’ve worked with feeding therapists and other autism specialists, his diet will likely always be limited. Tough situation.
At our Christmas 4 families meet up and no one drinks more than a couple glasses wine, I don't understand these people who act like they can't go a couple hours without alcohol. I doubt they would even tell the difference if you replaced their alcohol with non-alcoholic version 😭
Showing up to a dinner with your own food is my whole life. Celiac disease means I bring my food everywhere. Other celiac people get my pain. We can’t trust anyone’s cooking.
Is there anything reasonable to ban from parties? BABIES
Forcing kids to eat foods and using the "than you don't eat" isn't healthy. It develops an unhealthy relationship around food. I think ovbiously you should encourage your kids ti try foods they don't like and coming up with new ways to prepare and eat it but forcing your kids to eat what you want them to instead of them being able to voice to you their likes and dislikes is fucking stupid. Your put look on this dude is unhealthy and is a big okay Boomer moment but the boomer is you.
I kind of relate to the daughters who ate bread and butter. ive always battled my weight and there are plenty of healthy vegetables fruits meats etc that i enjoy. But if you put a spread of foods in front of me that i dislike, (and this may be reflective of disordered eating i dont know) i will typically choose not to eat. To me eating foods for the sake of ettiquite is a disservice to my own body, knowing that it is extra calories in my body that i will then have to burn off because like christine said after her grandmas, ill get hungry again right after and go eat a meal i actually enjoy. I often will pick out one item i like or mind the least and eat a small portion to save my appetitie for afterwards and that REALLY bothers some people. Even tho ive never complained, but even abstaining just bothers some people and i really dislike that culture. I personally believe no one should be force fed. And yes they dont hold me down but applying peer pressure and guilt it still very manipulative and forceful. So i see it as yes the uncle has the right to refuse to let them in his kitchen, but they likewise have the right to sit and eat their bread and butter free from judgement. Though them insulting the food was just plain rude and their mother should of spoken up about that.
26:39 the two girls could be undiagnosed with autism or other neurodivergent conditions. I find it hard to believe a neurotypical person would get to 18yrs and have food triggers.
For the 5th story about the 15 and 18 year old girls who strictly eat frozen chicken and pasta, the children and OP's sister are the asshole. I am autistic, so I fully understand the picky eating/food aversion thing. However, if I am at someone's house for a dinner party and I don't like what they're making, I would do my very best to make sure they don't know that. My mom taught me about pushing food around the plate, getting small portions and just getting a bite, or eating before/after the party. This party is not about you, so why make it such a big deal that you hate the food that someone took their time to make for you? It's only going to hurt their feelings. It's much nicer to just pretend you love it.
On the picky eater (5th) story: I was a very picky eater up until like 18-20 years old. My mom accommodated that by making me different food if I didn't like the one everyone else had. (she wouldn't bring different food to another person's house tho, I just had to deal with whatever they had)
Now that I eat more varied stuff, I wish my mom HADN'T accommodated me. I wish she'd just told me that tough luck, eat this or starve. She also babied me on other things and that in turn made me entitled. Now that I've grown out of it, all of that entitlement has morphed into massive guilt and regret.
So yeah. If your child doesn't have any allergies and is just a picky eater, do not go along with that. It will only backfire in the long run.